Epsilons

2007-12-13T13:43:00.000-06:00

my new blog address

the server is in China so the Great(Fire)Wall system will not allow me to put any *sensitive* word there. but it is easier for my friends there to visit. I almost lost my interest in politics anyway...

as a matter of fact, i have stopped updating it for several months too. The reason is simply self-doubt.

I "rediscovered" my epsilons blog yesterday when i was going through my old documents...these thoughts of mine... a lot of them seem so distant now, but they still resonate a little bit somehow like shaking hand with an old friend; and still they brought back memories like one recalls listening to the ocean waves in the night... I had a dream about where I grew up as a kid few days ago-- those greens in the winter morning mist, and the views of mountains in the western sky after a summer rain.

Time is not going to erase everything[*]...and will we find a map of human hearts?

(*) as long as google is doing regular backups...

2005-02-09T21:21:00.000-06:00

Some word you said in various ocassions, which I always think of when I walk alone to the campus town in the evening. They remind me of you that much.

I know she's in trouble. There are English majors everywhere.

History is useful. I will hire a historian if I had a company.

I know nothing about art.

She is always that shy little girl from a little village.

I don't know about love.

We should stop.

This is the saddest tree I'v ever seen.

They are all opinions, just waste of time.

Theoretical Astrophysicist~~

Why don't you go to make a lot of money?

I don't like them. They are all the same here.

You should be nicer to D.

I am surprised that Richard asked me to be his best man.

That place reminded me how I grew up.

I think you are just jealous.

Professional dancers perform the same routine everyday. How can you be bored after only a few performances?

You like shopping too.

They all owe a lot to their own country. I onece told my dad that and he was very upset.

I don't know too.

Make some friends. (after I leave)

...

I talked to my best friend in college about you. She is still such an innocent girl... She wants to meet you and I know you two will like each other.

But you are all so far away from me.

2005-01-30T15:01:00.000-06:00

Aki left today.

2005-01-13T01:00:00.000-06:00

近来心情不稳，觉得应该写点什么，也正好抓一把猴子的尾巴。去了东部一趟，见到了这么多的人。方正温良如小敢，恩爱如didibaba夫妇。也在或大或小的饭桌旁，午夜的车座上，和房间里温柔的灯下，不动声色的，缓缓地说了很多中文。

年末的纽约，人头攒动的Guggenheim里面，拥抱了苍白的music，而时光也即刻倒流，她就在那个园子里，神态眉眼依旧。

身边依着粉色娇妻的tangerine，谈着鸟不生蛋地方的offer和三教里曾经的摇滚。

杨驴和他老婆，在我们桌前唱着过于难听的歌曲，尾音故意拖着老长－－他还是那个样子吧，祝他傻人有傻福。

2004年的最后一天，坐在流水搬的小馆里，听着我正直的徒弟对那个遥远国度的感叹，在心里赞叹他身边女友眼里流出的纯净温和。

还有元旦，从咖啡馆出来，穿过马路看着对面的小朋友，抬头看见红衣的fool就站在那个下午的阳光里，宁静温柔。

亚静JJ和toetoe这一对碧人。每次看到你们，我就想，还能说什么好呢。

在small world里，我竟然答不上那么多人的名字。 “Super你都忘了！”你们笑我。呵呵，怎么会呢，他们和你的样子。。。我记性这么好的人。回头看去，还有那么多描
绘不出的温柔与残忍。

原来我生命里还藏有这许多的联系，这么多的过去以往，也还有这么多的可能性。

我知道为什么会有这许多不安，因为对于所谓的歧途，我们都还不明白；害怕，而心存敬畏。

2004-04-24T23:42:00.000-05:00

Australian Chamber Orchestra
Apr 24, 2004
-----------------------------------------------
Some traditional Hungarian folk songs performed by Dawn Upshaw, really refreshing! Some Cantatas of Bach- I have to say I hate Bach sometimes...

Here comes this great work, String Quartet No.2, Op.56 by Karol Szymanowski. The 2nd movement is very much like Bartok's work and you can smell the folk blood in it. This is perhaps the best chamber orchestra in the world, excact, balanced, but I guess Tognetti still have to work hard to stretch his enthusiam out to all orchestra. The 2nd encore is great, and, the only one expressing intimacy among musicians tonight.

A funny thing is, an old lady tried to give me some tip after the show...

2004-04-12T14:06:00.000-05:00

How Rankings Rate [Times OP-ED]. Funny articles.

Got a cd of Karan Casey, such a Celtic music surprise! It brings some sunshine in the morning...

2004-04-09T22:21:00.000-05:00

Mark Morris Dance Group
Apr. 8th, 2004 @Krannert
---------------------------------------------------------------
A Spell
music: madrigals by John Wison

All FOurs
music: Bartok No. 4

Serenade
music: serenade for Guitar by Lou Harrison
dancer: Mark Morris

V
music: Schumann Piano Quintet
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
How brave for Mark Morris to choose Bartok No.4! Even a string quartet have to try very hard to handle this piece! He had the same experience as me, deeply moved by the great Takács Quartet and their Hugarian blood, I still remember that concert. This Serenade is brilliant! Mark Morris in a simple Japanese-inspired costum, and just with a guitar and percussion! How could a fat man express such diversity in just one set and grasp the essense of such different cultures like mid-eastern, japan and carribean? Only a genius can do this.... He forgot he has been doing the V in the successive 3 years here. Generally, better than last year.. =) Actually I think he really fits my style, strict ballet technique combined with the modern dance spirit, and yes, dance to the great music and forget about the world.

2004-04-05T16:14:00.000-05:00

Last week went to 2 concerts @Krannert. The first one is Joshua Bell on AprilFool's day, who in my mind is more like a pop star- he has a pleasant face, driving a Porche, grabbing Grammy by some thing like " romance of violin", actually, that maybe a good thing if you saw the sold-out theator and the long line waiting for the signature- if this is how the classic music gets more audience, I think it is really good way to do it. Who said classic are just wussy and only attractive to old women who could not walk anymore?! By the way, Joshua's Serenade Melancolique are really touching- he is indeed a very soft boy, and the only word he said during the performance is just before this sad piece- to the memory of one of the UI music professor, a personal friend of his from young, who died in his 37 during a perfomance in Spain.

Another one is Kronos Quartet, their technique maybe not the best, but the 10-movement Sun Rings are really insteresting works- one movement even named as " the Earth Jupiter Kiss"! The last movement is really cheesy... This is a perfomance using a lot of technologies, visual effects using projectors, electric instruments...the stage designor is the guy working with U2 in the last 20 years, who has done a really wonderfull job! By the way, I am very proud of our UI chamber choirs! (mosquito gg in it too), the quartet said it is the best they have worked with. Another funny thing, they commented on the choice of instruments" never use anything you can not kick!" =)

This week I am going to watch Mark Morris- they are even doing a piece with Bartok 4...I just can not wait anymore to see it!

2004-04-05T16:00:00.000-05:00

Taking the Liberalism Out of Liberal Arts [NYTimes]

The concern is interesting, if it is for the health of acadmia and toward more open discussions in higher education. But, excuse me, by passing a bill in congress? You are thinking to cheat those who can really think by giving them some sugar candy bombs? It makes me sick to see how dirty politics try to make them seems not so cheap by saying something " based on the tradition of academic freedom".

2004-03-30T13:36:00.000-06:00

"I actually feel very sorry for Marburger, because I think he probably is enough of a scientist to realize that he basically has become a prostitute."

--Dr. Howard Gardner, a cognitive psychologist at Harvard, comment on Dr. John H. Marburger III, President Bush's science adviser, in a recent interview on National Public Radio.

Support Unions of Concerned Scientists.

2004-03-25T05:16:00.000-06:00

Atheist Presents Case for Taking God From Pledge [NYTimes].

"That's only because no atheist can get elected to public office."
-- Dr. Newdow, when Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist observed "under God" as a non-divisive sounded addition to the pledge, which was voted unanimous in Congress 50 years ago.

This is really an interesting time for Supreme Court. Read more @ First Amendment Center [fac.org].

2004-03-21T15:50:00.000-06:00

"Get Out of My Namespace!"

The German car company known as Dr. Ing. h.c.F. Porsche AG has fought a series of battles to protect the name CARRERA. But another contender is a Swiss village, postal code 7122. ''The village Carrera existed prior to the Porsche trademark,'' Christoph Reuss of Switzerland wrote to Porsche's lawyers. ''Porsche's use of that name constitutes a misappropriation of the good will and reputation developed by the villagers of Carrera.'' He added, for good measure, ''The village emits much less noise and pollution than Porsche Carrera.'' He didn't mention that José Carreras, the opera singer, was embroiled in a name dispute of his own. The car company, meanwhile, also claims trademark ownership of the numerals 911.

2004-03-18T13:21:00.000-06:00

Methodists Put Minister on Trial for Declaring Herself a Lesbian [NYTimes]

"It's a big deal at any point when a church puts one of its ministers on trial. In this case, you're putting someone on trial basically because she was honest about who she is."
---Mary Ann Tolbert, executive director of the Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies in Religion and Ministry at the Pacific School of Religion.

"This small gathering in this room is a microcosm of the United Methodist Church in its pain, in its yearning for healing, for grace and for direction."
---Bishop William Boyd Grove, serving as judge at the trial of the Rev. Karen Dammann.

2004-03-17T14:32:00.000-06:00

St. Patrick Day today, and the spring break is just 3 days away. Aki should play his Irish tin whistle for me today. =) If everybody can try to appreciate the essence of a culture better, the world would be a much better place. Also consider the endless Chief stuff on this campus- human beings are just poor and sadly ignorant creatures.

This Splendors of China's Forbidden city- The Glorious Reign of Emperor Qianlong [filedmuseum.org] exhibition at Field Museum seems very interesting.

Maybe also a Swan Lake by ABT [abt.org]! (My body is kind of heavy now and I hate it....)

Seems that taking one day off in spring break hanging out with my brother in Chicago and have some fun is not too bad for a hard- working ppl like me, hehe.

There's still some snow these 2 days in Urbana, but the green is coming, which is such a great comfort to me. Monday I talked to the new visiting grad student, and I do know what kind of mixing feelings I have for this little town- a place without green, without bumps, without rivers, without rocks in the earth, only endless corn field and depressing winter seasons. But you can always find something shining in some corner if you love the life and also have a sensitive heart. Life is hard, every place is the same, I guess. The place where you can get peace from, is your real hometown- I suppose that's somewhere deep in the heart.

2004-03-09T13:08:00.000-06:00

Hubble Ultra Deep Field has been released [hubblesite.org].

2004-03-07T23:29:00.000-06:00

We must not believe those who today with a philosophical tone and a hint of superiority in their voice, perdict the fall of our culture and indulge in the "ignorabimus". For us there is no "ignorabimus", and in my opinion especially not in the nature sciences. In the place of this silly "ignorabimus", our motto should be on the contrary

We must know, we will know

-- Hilbert

2004-03-05T13:58:00.000-06:00

I was kind of happy yesterday afternoon and that mood is just so obvious in the email to P. But I still did not tell him about the concert before yesterday, the reading of a little book about differential geometry when the Tokyo String Quartet was playing Dvorak. An old man was sitting behind me carefully taking notes on the program during the concert (maybe a critic or something), and he gave me such a smile after the concert that I know our pleasure is actually the same. Oh, and another thing in the intermission, an old gentelman come up to the balcony and I gave him some suggestion on the choice of sitting next year. It was a nice small talk and when he said to me" Miss, Thanks a lot for your suggestions" I know that's why I love to work here in the Krannert. I still remember the warm and long smile on Adam's face after the Takacs Quartet's concert, how could you deny there still some beautiful feelings deep inside human beings waiting to be awakened?

2004-03-05T13:52:00.000-06:00

I like this Editorials about the fate of HST so much that I will just paste it here instead of just a link:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[The NewYork Times]
March 5, 2004
An Astronaut Changes His Tune

What a difference a few months makes. Last July, John Grunsfeld, an astronaut, waxed enthusiastic about the value and sheer pleasure of participating in servicing missions to upgrade the Hubble Space Telescope, one of the most productive scientific instruments of all time. In testimony prepared for an expert panel, Mr. Grunsfeld called Hubble missions "highly coveted assignments" and said his own two Hubble flights had been the most important achievement in his life. Despite the tragic loss of the space shuttle Columbia, he said, he judged Hubble missions as little more risky than other shuttle flights. "I can say without hesitation that traveling to space to upgrade the instruments and ensure the future of the Hubble Space Telescope was worth the potential risk to my life," he testified.

Then came new requirements to enhance safety after the Columbia accident, followed by President Bush's expansive plan to send astronauts to the Moon and Mars in distant years. That plan requires maximum use of the shuttles to complete the international space station, relegating Hubble to the status of an inconvenient diversion.

So Mr. Grunsfeld, now NASA's chief scientist, has changed his tune. He has become a defender of NASA's recent, and wrongheaded, decision to cancel the next servicing mission, thereby sentencing Hubble to a slow death. Suddenly, the mission he deemed worth the risk of his own life has to be canceled for safety reasons, as he explained yesterday in a letter in The Times. Mr. Grunsfeld has acknowledged more candidly than most officials that other factors were also at work — namely, the demands of the Moon-Mars program and the complications of meeting new safety requirements. Although the shuttles should be safer than before once they are upgraded for their return to flight, he says, any Hubble mission would require repair and rescue options that are not readily available.

The implication, of course, is that if a self-described Hubble-hugger like Mr. Grunsfeld is comfortable with killing the telescope, that decision must be the right one. The only question is whether he is speaking from the heart, as he clearly was last July, or is simply a good soldier ordered to front for the premature curtailment of a great instrument.

2004-03-04T13:58:00.000-06:00

Physics about the flutter of a flag [physics/0403001]. And a 2000 Nature article about the related experiment. Pretty interesting stuff. =)

2004-03-04T13:04:00.000-06:00

Documents Reveal the Evolution of a Supreme Court Justice [NYTimes], some story about Roe vs. Wade, a nice read. This is also a year of Brown. vs. Board's 50 aniversary. The reform of the law system of China has a long way to go, yet, but maybe there's some hope lying in the history, and perhaps the justice and humanity is not that far away.

2004-03-02T15:44:00.000-06:00

Another old concert memo:

Prague Chamber Orchestra & the Eroica Trio
Nov 6, 2003 @Krannert
----------------------
Reicha: Overture in C Major, Op. 24
Beethoven: Triple Concerto
J.C. Bach: Sinfonia No. 1 in E-flat Minor for Double Orchestra, Op. 18
Dvorak: Czech Suite
----------------------------------------
Eroica is made up of 3 beautiful ladies, and obviously, they have great
passion for the music. But their performance is just ok, Cello and violin is
kind of weak, esp. the cello, she need more strength to handle the technique,
thus hardly talked to others. Although the orchestra provided a good companion
to the trio, you will feel there's something not so satisfied in this highly
spirited piece. I have the CD by Perlman, Yo-yo and Barenboim, which is far
better than this. But audience still gave them great applause, hehe, you can
not expect every woman musician is du Pre or Mutter. And finally they show
their clarity and sparking melodies in the final Tango encore.

Czech Suite is fantastic. The flute is the treasure of the orchestra, and also
the clarinet, which is the key to grasp the spirit of this famous piece, by
Dvorak, who got a lot from Czech folk music and put his enthusiasm to his
country back to his music. It's also amazing that you see 36 musicians work
together without a conductor, that's also why I love chamber, the musicians
really listen to others while express themselves. I stood up and applaud for
them after they finished the first Overture encore, they are really great!
After they finished with the funny Peter and Wolf, and everybody were happy at
the end. These prague guys are real musicians.

2004-03-01T16:45:00.000-06:00

found some old stuff lying in some corner of my computer about a concert last year:

Nov. 11, 2003 Krannert

Vladimir Fedoseyev, conductor
Nikolaj Znaider, violin

violin concerto in D Major, Op.61 Beethoven
Symphony No.3 in E-flat Major, Op.55, "Eroica"

----------------------------------------------------------------
Znaider is a really stunning genius,"blessed with an overwhelming command of the instrument and the courage to offer unconventional interpretations reminiscent of the grand old days of violin playing" (by Strad Magzine), handle techniques fluidly with great poetic lyricism, and also communicate with the orchestra quite well. The most enjoyable thing is that he really has a mastero stand on the stage, which is all about the music, and his grand yet hudmble personalities. Nearly at the same day, Langlang had his Carnegie Hall Recital @New York, while the New York Times critisized him as a "show man" and lack the basic respect and artistic treatment of classical music works. At the end of the article they said " If I am his manager, I will cancel his contract and send him to music camp in Vermont to play with fin Chamber musicians young and old". Technique is nothing if you lost the heart of the music, lack of the ability talking to the composer, to the audience, to other minds.

Eroica is just so so, though their first oboe is really good, and the horn satisfying.

The encore is , which I feel so bad about their choice, this really become a popular show. Well, this is true, we had a sold-out.

Some other things, I signed up as a supervisor, but due to some miscommunication, there are 5 supervisors in total. But finally I got a seat. Julie&Shawshank were there too.

2004-03-01T00:29:00.000-06:00

Harvard Says Poor Parents Won't Have to Pay [NYTimes.com]. Good, but true, it is just a posture to the very little percentage of the undergraduate body, maybe a strategy on recruiting students. Nothing fundamental is changed, the higher education in US is a circle used to copy the elite. And more ionic thing is, the students there who supposed to get the most libral education to become free thinkers are those who in root most conservative. And all the beautiful idealism attaching to the higher education just fade in the circles of alumnus. I kind of prefer Germany's system, but nobody can deny the effect of personal $$$ on higher education in the last century. Ha, so there comes the political debate again...

2004-02-29T03:01:00.000-06:00

While doing this damn NPA hw set in the midnight, I took a little rest to read some Landau just now.

First, I don't understand why these series are still so expensive in US, when the copyright already expires after 50 years- Dover, you guys should do this right away! In China a Mechanics is just 4 $ anyway...

2nd, it also seems to me that Americans do not appreciate Landau that much, comparing their madness for Feynman, who says "physics is just like having sex, for the most important thing is the process", while Landau is so shy a nerd who can only complaining all day that "all the good physics problems have been sloven just as all the good girls been taken..." hehe. Their books' style are also different in this sense, Feymann is too show-off to me, though he is quite a simulating figure to the young kids and general public- afer all, do they know there's a guy named Schwinger? =) And, well, I have to say I love Landau!!! His book is always my favorate, clear & clean, compact, great math, and the best thing is you can easily grasp the whole idea from the very beginning. This is really a dream for the real physicists- it is just amazing how a ppl can write something like this!- the first few chapters of fluid dynamics, and the whole Mechanics and Statistics are just like wonderland...

Maybe this is also a reason for the difference on style between physicist from Eastern Europe/China and US.

2004-02-28T16:21:00.000-06:00

造化爱几何

2004-02-22T21:08:00.000-06:00

Julie and Shashank got engaged! Feel so happy for them...=) I still remember the first night when they were sitting in couch talking and laughing, with champaign, 3 in the morning. hehe

2004-02-22T13:52:00.000-06:00

NYTimes has this article about global network for bomb making, saying the origin manual coming from bin Laden's training camps in Afghanistan back to 1990's. Tedac are in charge of this investigaion after Bush's nod on it from last Dec. Another example for the wrong direction. I mean, even I can guess that most of the advanced bomb making methods are from Afghanistan, which is such a sensitive and notorious region back to cold war and nearly all the bad ass coming out from there. But, only blaming bin Laden is nonsense, since the seed of the hatred is far back from then, and that dirty history would only point the finger back to these big countries. Too indulged america! Thus history only copies itself again and again. BTW, this article is kinda dumb too.

Recalling Fred Lamb's talk on ballistic missiles last year. Physicists' talent is just wasted on this kinda political shit, and even more sadness comes from that there must be some smart people to convince the public something is not deserved to try, not for it is not RIGHT, but for it is scientific impossible.

Some fun stuff: Brian talked about the famous alpha-beta-gama(Alpher, Bette, Gamow) paper in the field. Bette must be not so happy that Gamow add his name to the paper just for the hilarious symmetry about the authors! =)

2004-02-19T01:32:00.000-06:00

"All Sisyphus' silent joy is contained therein. His fate belongs to him. His rock is a thing. Likewise, the absurd man, when he contemplates his torment, silences all the idols. In the universe suddenly restored to its silence, the myriad wondering little voices of the earth rise up. Unconscious, secret calls, invitations from all the faces, they are the necessary reverse and price of victory. There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night. The absurd man says yes and his efforts will henceforth be unceasing. If there is a personal fate, there is no higher destiny, or at least there is, but one which he concludes is inevitable and despicable. For the rest, he knows himself to be the master of his days. At that subtle moment when man glances backward over his life, Sisyphus returning toward his rock, in that slight pivoting he contemplates that series of unrelated actions which become his fate, created by him, combined under his memory's eye and soon sealed by his death. Thus, convinced of the wholly human origin of all that is human, a blind man eager to see who knows that the night has no end, he is still on the go. The rock is still rolling."

"I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds one's burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. "

Thus Camus concludes "One must imagine Sisyphus happy. "

When a great soul begins to talk, I can only hold my breath.

Talk to Brian with the talk topic this afternoon, really fun stuff! Universe is really fantastic-- it plans its own path so myseriously well that we barely know now, but all these never stop our effort to seek. How could you not call this is SPLENDOR that us, the dust of the stars, begin to ask the fate of the Universe?

2004-02-16T17:54:00.000-06:00

Test- So what to say? Hmmm, that late-hours-student-staff at the physics library is very cute!

2004-02-15T20:56:00.000-06:00

Read some review on a book for kids titled You Are To Me, and such a surprise found out that it is about friendship between a pig and a bunny....wah-- is this about me? ;)

I finally watched Elephant in the early morning, and do not like it, though Van Sant is a good director. No more enthusiasm for movies, strange.

2004-02-14T17:59:00.000-06:00

My first post. 房间基本上收拾好了，很清爽。这次回Urbana特意带上了红英那个《朝阳为谁－－北京四重奏的故事》的小册子，很喜欢里面林朝阳对在瑞士一个山区小教堂演奏巴赫的回忆-- ”每当我遇到不好的人或事，产生激烈的想法，我会想起那个夜晚，那些友善待我的人们，我就想我不应该这样。“ 我把这个深蓝色的小册子放在我的唱机上的时候，发现下面是一张Juliet的Bartok No.4. 我的笛子终于能够出声了，但是笛膜贴的有点松，听上去咝咝的挺难受的。

下午写了一些NPA的作业，WKB算势垒穿透花了不少时间。想起来P说他直接上481的事情，觉得年轻气盛就是不一样啊，呵呵。今天是情人节，house晚上有个小party，其实就是Andy和Julie做晚饭，陪我去买酒的时候，Aki说only girls care about Valentine's Days. =)